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Identify what kind of emotion or evidence is being used or what reason for trusting the author is used.

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1. Thesis/Organization. Although this essay does contain some analysis of the text’s rhetorical appeals, it is missing the thesis to help combine and focus these observations. For the revision, craft a thesis that combines the different appeals and how they work to convince the audience of the author’s argument. Then go on to apply this new organizing principle to the body paragraphs: revised topic sentences will also help connect each paragraph to each other as well as to the new thesis. This revision should not mean simply adding one sentence to the introduction, but also reflecting this new focus in the organization of the rest of the essay.
2. Specificity in analysis. This essay outlines the basic kinds of appeals that the text makes, but is unnecessarily vague in identifying or explaining them. For the revision, go a step beyond discussing “pathos” “logos” or “ethos.” Identify what kind of emotion or evidence is being used or what reason for trusting the author is used. Provide specific examples of these appeals at work, and then explain how they help support the author’s argument. This is the trickiest and most important part of analysis, and is something to address in all the paragraphs about rhetorical appeals, as well as in the thesis and conclusion.
3. Integrate quotes. For the revision, work to integrate smaller direct quotations into your own prose. The introduction “The author says” (or some variation) followed by a complete sentence may be occasionally useful, but it is much better for your own prose to use a part of the sentence in your own sentence. Paraphrase can also be useful but needs to be interspersed with some direct quotation. Be sure to cite all paraphrase as well.

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